Maybe “Someday” Isn’t Better Than Today
I had a favorite book when I was a boy. Many evenings before bedtime I would sit beside my dad in his recliner and he would read it to me, and I would hear again the key phrase of the story, “Someday Billy.”
The book was “ The Little Pony “, written by Mary Alice Hawley, illustrated by Marjorie Hartwell. The story was about a little boy named Billy who wanted a pony, and whenever he voiced this dream to his dad or his mom they would say, “Maybe someday Billy.” My dad and I shared the story together so many times that he knew I would get the point, the connection, whenever I asked for anything and he responded, “Someday Billy” (though my name isn’t Billy).
I was a boy, hearing that story, before there were credit cards, when most things were purchased with cash. That meant that, rather than buying on credit, people who weren’t wealthy usually saved money for a period of time in order to have enough on hand or in the bank to make any out-of-the-ordinary purchase. For this reason, “middle class” people became associated with deferred gratification. In other words, out of necessity, the middle class and perhaps the impoverished were continually telling themselves, “Someday Billy.”
I grew up in that culture and internalized the message of deferring gratification. The idea of postponing what’s wanted or needed sank deeply into me and became my norm. It became my way of thinking not only about obtaining material items, but about obtaining happiness, life satisfaction, and peace within. As I grew beyond childhood I lived with that attitude and expectation, that all to which I aspired might be out there in the future, someday.
But of course, that means…not today. At least that’s what it meant for me. I lived the majority of my years as if each day was merely a small, one stoplight town I was passing through in route to my true, wonderful destination awaiting further on down the road. I was continually telling myself, “Someday, when there’s finally, at long last, enough of something or some key event has finally happened, or some major mile-marker has been passed, fulfillment will be mine. In the interim, bide your time, tough it out, just keep putting one foot in front of the other, and press on stoically toward that deferred gratification. You can do it, and won’t it be sweet, won’t you be proud of yourself when you arrive!”
Can you identify with that attitude? No matter what your socio-economic background or current reality might be, any one of us can bring that attitude to our pursuit of feeling, and living, better. If you’re like me and you deal with depression, then it doesn’t help at all to keep approaching each day of your life as if maybe someday there’ll be a breakthrough, but today is not the day. I know that my learned mastery of deferred gratification, teamed with the tendencies of my depression I’ve discussed in the prior articles of this series, did not serve me well at all.
In recent years I remembered that book from my childhood, lost or misplaced long ago, and wondered if I could find it anywhere so as to have it in hand again. I searched rather casually off-and-on for a few years and finally found it! I ordered it online and when it arrived I prepared myself for a trip down memory lane, reading the book again for the first time in decades, remembering my dad and those pleasant evenings together. But I was now reading it through adult eyes, and it hit me. I finally recognized what I was doing, made the connections to that favorite book and the enculturation of my childhood, realizing I had been living continually telling myself on just about every front, “Maybe someday Billy.”
Have you read or heard the saying, “Happiness is not a destination, it’s a manner of traveling?” I had seen it before and didn’t think about it very much, but with my eyes opened to how my continual deferring of fulfillment fed my depression, I appreciated the truth of that saying. The emotional, holistic well-being you and I aspire to isn’t out there, somewhere. It is possible, attainable here and now. Yes, there might be obstacles big and/or small to overcome, but as we consider the better, or abundant life we’ve long desired, we don’t have to think of it as existing way out in a hazy, ill-defined future. Simply put, there’s nothing magical or special about someday. Someday is no different than today. So, the question is, why defer, why not have some gratification today? That shift has proven to be a real difference-maker for me.
I’m not suggesting that you forget about your credit limits and any credit card debt you’re carrying and go out and buy your heart’s desire today. This isn’t about money and “stuff.”
What I’m saying is that, when it comes to fulfillment, happiness, peace, joy, the life that really is life, you don’t want to live the majority of your life unnecessarily impoverished; you want to live all of your life that you can wealthy, in abundance. Not “Someday ________” (your name here), but today, every day. Think about it, and consider how that might apply to you.
Next time, I want to share with you another realization that truly helped me get the upper hand with my depression. It’s something that came to me via that song by the Eagles, “The Best of My Love.” Always be open and ready, mindful and watchful, because help and hope can come from unexpected places!
Originally published at http://aboutgoodstuff.wordpress.com on October 29, 2020.
